Not many pictures on this post.. because this time... just ONE picture causes me write a 1000 words to describe all that is behind it.
So the first couple weeks of middle school were interesting. They were different. They were fun. They were eye opening to C-H-A-N-G-E.
It's always harder when you are in the thick of these changing moments, but when you come out of it...the picture begins to have better clarity.
Middle Schoolers! They have more freedom. They feel older. They embrace this new beginning and are quite excited for school to start.... so this new experience can begin. Parents are even a little excited for them... because it's neat to watch this stir up some excitement about school in their child. But for us..... after about a week and a half.... As I looked at my child... it was clear.... Even with the new experience and new school and new freedoms revealed... that inside those LONG days with 7 periods & homework...there hung a long, sad middle schooler's face with who knows what going on inside his head?
WHO IS THIS KID?
Who took my Smiley Noah away? Why isn't he smiling?
Not only did he not smile... he didn't talk. No details... no stories... barely even an answer to my questions. Hardly any eye contact or expression. Annoyed looks and sounds and grumbles. Eye rolls and not so terrific tones. I think to myself....Here we go!!!!
WAIT! But I'm NOT ready! I thought it would gradually happen as middle school went on. NOPE!
There is nothing that will FIX it immediately.... You can rack you parent brain on what to say or do. But don't get discouraged if it doesn't work. It's so hard because you just LOVE them so much and you feel like you have lost something and you don't even know how to begin looking for it. Not to mention if you have 3 other kids that need you and you can't devote yourself to the one child going through these changes. You feel slightly discouraged.
You think to yourself....But Mama's fix everything? We kiss the boo boos, we bandage them up, We hold a wash cloth on their heads when they are sick, we snuggle with them when they want, we make their favorite foods, we clean up their messes...10,000 times, we hug and kiss them bye, we help them with homework, we entertain them and their friends, we answer hard questions about life and death, we read to them, we listen to them read... even if it's sounding out a 3 letter word and it takes them a minute to do each word, we do it because we want them to be confident....to feel proud....to be successful... to feel LOVED.
We do all of these things because WE LOVE THEM MORE THAN WE COULD EVER IMAGINE!
I have to say... I love making my Noah home cookin meals. Comfort food. He loves all food but especially comfort food. I cooked the meals, made him great snacks for after school.... I was hoping that would put a big smile on his face and Mama would get a big hug. It did... some...but it wasn't until one of those days where it hit me..... the kitchen was a wreck... I needed to clean up dinner.. kids were running all over. But as I looked across the room... there laid my almost 12 year old son on the couch. It was like all "MOM DUTIES" expired... My only need was to go lay on the couch beside him. We have a sectional and he was laying where my head could lay right up against his. He was watching some detective show. So I cozied up and laid there and actually even napped a little. It was when I woke that I felt my almost 12 year old middle schooler raise his head up and lean over to KISS me on the forehead. It was that moment when it hit me. He loves me. He knows I love him. We don't have to talk at this moment.... we just laid head to head and rested together in the calm. We are gonna get through this and it's going to be ok! AT the end of the day... all kids really need is LOVE. There are so many ways we can express love with things we do or say. But for me... being AVAILABLE for my children is LOVE. Being able to recognize when laundry can wait... there is a tea party with a 4 year old to be had! Dishes can wait... there is a middle schooler that just needs his mother close.
Since then... we have been MUCH BETTER! I just close my eyes and soak up when he just comes and hugs me and just lays his head on my chest. That unspoken love that screams... I'm Glad I have you. Don't get me wrong... there are still those days where I look over at him in the car and I KNOW. The other day I actually squeezed his shoulder as I was driving and said, "You ok, you a little tired today?" His reply... "No... I'm just RELIEVED"
I ask why and he says, "I'm relieved that school is over for today." Then he leans his head back and I can just see the "heavy" on him. He proceeds to tell me of all the work he got done that day and stayed on top of his assignments and that he was so glad he did because he now has a project due early the next week and this and that and more homework.
IT'S A LOT! Noah is a tough kid and has always handled things well. But let's face it... these days... school is a lot! The expectations and homework and workload is more intense than ever.
I wanted to write about this because I want to look back and remember these times of change. I hope if anyone else out there is in the thick of it... you will take comfort and know this is normal and you do have a role in helping them get through it! I am thankful that I get to be the mother to my kids that helps them get through all this! But first... I must remember:
I have a job to do.... To be Available and to Love and Support them.
I can get through 4 kids with a total of 12 years in Middle School right? That made me cry giggle.
So whether it's the preschooler that needs you to set things aside for them for play, or the elementary school kid that needs to read slowly to you, or the middle schooler that needs your silent presence, or the high schooler that knows you got their back and you will support them, or the college kid that needs you to let them spread their wings a little and fly back to the nest anytime whether if its for the weekend or for an hour...the nest will be waiting, or maybe it's the married kid that needs to know they can call you anytime and you will listen or you will carve out some time to visit them in their crazy life of family and kids..... No matter what kid stage we are in.... the theme for all of them is being available for our children when they need us.
Many prayers for us ALL!
The picture worth a 1000 words.
I will never forget this kiss.
The one on my forehead.
The one from my middle schooler.
I just adore him and his smile. He makes me smile when he even starts to crack one. I never thought I would see him not smiling. He's always been the happiest kid. He could get in trouble and get 5 spankins and he would be right back beside you... over it. He bounces back.
Now... more than ever before... I REJOICE in his HAPPY FACE!
Nights like this when he won't stop practicing his tuba. It's so loud. He plays the same thing over and over. 3 other kids screaming and playing. Supper on the stove. But I smile and feel happy inside because I freakin LOVE THIS LIFE! Then he kinda ruins it because he comes in the kitchen showing me the "SPIT VALVE" on his tuba. He pumps it over and over and says, "Look Mom! LOOK! My Spit Valve!" I literally gagged! Then he proceeds to tell me he forgot to clean it out for like 3 days and when he opened it was just a big huge string of spit. Someone please get me a barf bag! I can't take it anymore!
This Guy... 1st year of Tackle Football! He has played flag for years... but we just now let him play tackle. He loves it and looks forward to "TACKLING SOMEONE!"
So lucky to have Daddy as one of the Coaches! Same great dads and boys! It may be our 1st year to play and we may not win them all... but it will be a great learning year with good buddies & Coach Daddy along side him!
Hard to watch him get hurt... be on his back with no air from a cleat kick in the gut from a boy 3 times his size.... He rested a little on the sideline and went back in for me.
If he can do it... Mama is gonna have to toughen up too
Lining up
Noah getting some water squirted in his mouth.
Love pics of them listening to Coach Henry
An Act of Love... since we are talking about LOVE
Sometimes your week is a little thrown with some weird pain and doctor visits. Just when you got your motor running back and in the swing of school.. you get knocked down a little with a week of taking care of yourself. But even more is the people who reach out and take care of you too. They make themselves AVAILABLE for you! One of the most beautiful "Farmhouse Lunches" on my porch I have ever seen! Soup & Bread from a Caring Soul. It reminded me of the simpleness of Love. It reminded me of the kind of LOVE that is needed for not just our kids who are journeying in this life and going through changes... But the kind of Love the world needs more of! The kind of love where people aren't too busy in their day of duties to stop and do something for someone else.
Who can you be AVAILABLE for? So many people out there that just need someone to care enough to BE AVAILABLE for them.
It's ok to be a couch potato... I always got this guy to hang out with me if I need to rest.
He is ALWAYS AVAILABLE for LOVE!
