BUNCH OF ORANGES: "I Want To Fail Trying"

I am always drawn to writing when something is on my heart, I'm emotional....happy or sad or I am wanting to preserve the pictures, memories and stories of our lately. Sometimes I hear a sermon, do a bible study, hear a quote, or most often experience something in motherhood or life that just moves me to share... even if that means being vulnerable. I know that in addition to putting down these thoughts that would be great to reflect on one day or possibly my children might read them in our family books of these blog posts... I also know there is someone out there that might need these reminders like I do.

So it started Friday with the reality of me getting to have knee surgery sooner than later, (yay-rah..more on that later), feeling pretty yucky and just quite honestly... not happy. My patience, attitude, mood and all things in the caboodle were sitting at a NEGATIVE. Saturday wasn't much better... Nate went huntin with Noah for a turkey. Me and the kids stayed in. Woke up Sunday with splitting headache and feeling crummy again. REALLY wanted to be at church and hear our amazing guest speaker Bob Goff. I sat on the patio and listened online with my coffee to not one...but two services because he does a different message each time. Once you start listening to this guy..you are hooked. He is so hilarious and awesome and literally lifted my spirits with his words. I titled my post with his quote because I can easily find a way to fit this into my weekend.

(if you would like to listen to any of his 4 messages.. you can go to mycompasschurch.com)

Sometimes as a Mom... you love it to pieces....life couldn't get any better... it's the best! But let's face the real world of Motherhood... we all have "those days". The ones you feel like you are Sinking... Losing it... FAILING???? Well for me... my crappy weekend and feeling yucky and in a bad mood did not make me the best mother I am sure. The kids were fighting and hitting and tattling and screaming and leaving their messes everywhere. After my Much needed boost from the sermons... I felt the CRASH coming once again. The one where you just want to throw your hands up.... Quit? Walk out? leave? Because if you try.... you are just gonna have to keep trying and doing the same cycle again. I was just TIRED! Tired of trying. Tired of sitting the kids down and talking to them about what happened, spanking them, lecturing them about the same old stuff... feeling unappreciated, disrespected... honestly like a bad mother that even though they are acting this way... I am somehow going to take one to a friend's house and one to a birthday party? Seriously? They get to have fun? That's not fair. I'm tired. I don't want to TRY and move on and hope we can get better and honor our commitments. I want to QUIT... say we aren't going....send them to their rooms, get done what I need to get done.... I know... I sound extreme... but I am ranting and being honest. I was just literally exhausted from the hard parts of mothering!

Finally, we are leaving late... headed out I first go to drop off Gunner... (who had 2 spankings for the day so far, and a lecture all the way to his friend's house where I was dropping him). I didn't get out of the car as I had to get Jensie to a birthday party... I said, "Have fun buddy! We will see you later." He gets out... I say thanks to the mom...we drive off. I go a couple miles and already made a few turns and going another direction to the birthday party. I turn on the radio and it's country music... the song.."What Might Have Been".... a good old one. Here it comes... here comes the tears... here comes the mother's heart breaking.... immediately realizing she didn't hug her boy bye, she didn't say I love you or I'm sorry about our morning. She just dropped him off... and LEFT. What if that's how life ended? How does she know something wouldn't happen to him or her and she never TRIED.

So I did what any mother that's balling her eyes out, driving down the road LATE to a birthday party would do... I turned that car around and went back. The girls were like "Mom, what are we doing?"

I said..." I forgot something". (I forgot to TRY.)

I texted the mom to send Gunner back out that I forgot something. She came out instead to grab it from me and I had to tell her I actually needed "him". One look at my face and she knew. So as you would know... my precious 7 year old is already playing and smiling and runs over to me and says.."What is it Mom?"

Even though we had an audience and he gets embarrassed easily... I said, "I forgot to give you a hug and tell you I loved you." He surprisingly hugged me and had the shyest but sweetest little smile.

We left and went on to the party arriving 30 minutes late.

Mom Fail?.... but hey.. I failed TRYING? Right?

I think as mothers we do sometimes feel all the FAILS.... But... Are we taking in the TRIES? God just wants us to TRY! He made us ABLE! He made us CAPABLE. He has Big Plans for us. But he wants us to TRY! We might not achieve everything we wish for in motherhood or even life...but we at least have to give it all we got? If we are WILLING...then He will make us ABLE! That means even if it means those days of absolute misery... the ones we don't know what else to do to make things better.... the ones we want to just quit on. WE have to know when we look into those beautiful eyes of those crazy headed children God made... that even though being their mother is sometimes HARD and it seems we aren't getting anywhere with them... we have to know God wants us to Keep Trying. Because He is looking at us the SAME way sometimes. We are by no means perfect and gettin it right all the time... but He Loves us anyways and is going to keep on loving us and forgiving us and helping us to the next step. Can't we do that for "our children"??? Keep on Trying like God does for us? YES... I think we HAVE to!

What's even more heart pricking for the end to my weekend... Gunner started feeling pretty puney after getting home from his big day. He woke me up at 3:30 am to be up with him for an hour of fixing him on the couch, getting him water, helping him to the bathroom where he never got sick but it sure felt like he was going to... I tossed and turned and slept on the couch to be woken by his moans and tossing. Couldn't help but think of the day before and all the emotion. Now... in a whole different way.. I am taking care of him. TRYING to help him feel the best he can and to get through this. He stayed home from school (and home today too)... to be on the couch all day with lots of trips to the bathroom... and while never getting sick... would just lay on the floor and even sleep....

REMINDING me ALL DAY LONG... I CANNOT GIVE UP TRYING.

I am his mother and I will not quit!!!!

If I do fail... I will fail TRYING.

Doesn't get any more pitiful... so weak and asked for a pillow for the bathroom and he just wanted to stay there

the whole day he was here....praying today is better

A few more pictures of our lately and the kids just "Being Kids"

Oh how do I love them. Lord, Give me the strength to persevere and

Keep Trying!

They just want to be where you are.... in the floor by the kitchen sink

Little sweetie with her rabbit

Big Sis and Little Sis doing a number for us

Moments like these... waiting to pick up my middle schooler... looking at him with his buddies. It makes me happy.

Waiting on the kids... sunglasses and selfies

This guy... April Fools Master..

About to go to lacrosse game and just wanted to fill his belly with a sausage and biscuit. I was flipping sausage on the stove and he set off a FIRECRACKER on the kitchen floor right behind me!!! I thought I was gonna skin him.... but actually almost cried. He felt sorry for me and told me the other pranks he had done.... wd40 on the toilet seats and no toilet paper in the bathrooms... wire instead.... and put soap on his daddy's toothbrush. Crazy Kid.

Breaking the Law

When I was young... I rode in the back of my Daddy's truck all the time.

This was a fun little ride. Short but cute.

Pancakes and sausage for the littles

Gunner loves to sop his sausage in his syrup just like mama

Sunhats and My Sweetie

don't forget the naked barbies... lol

This Dog!!! He loves his mama so much!

sometimes when Daddy is out of town we change things up and have pizza on a Tuesday! They were so surprised and thankful.

Her chalking is impressive

Sometimes I just can't help but smile at the little guy in the backseat on my way to pick up the kids.

The only reason he ain't next to me is cause there are crumbs back there I am sure. Insert eye roll.

She fell asleep like this. Cracks me up! Never made it too far in them roller blades sister!

Jensie's turn to sleep with mommy... I woke up and they were both snoozing just like this in my bed!

Noah's 1st Gobbler... Super impressive

When you and your kindergarten bestie draw pictures of deer and turkey under the tables during class... talk about huntin when you're 5... then you are 12, in middle school, huntin together with your daddies..... and you both get nice gobblers.... Life just seems sweet.